happiness and relationships

Many people mistake sacrifice for love. They see the more they sacrifice for a person, the more love they have for that person.  Some people give up their careers, their dreams, just to make the other happy. I believe that doing this isn’t fair. Sacrificing too much of oneself for the other is not beneficial for one’s happiness. Some may consider this as a true act of love, but I see it as an act of foolishness.

I believe that when it comes to relationships, everything is 50/50. A healthy relationship should consist of each person supporting the other with the intent of looking after their best interests. No one person should give up too much for the other because it can and will hurt them in the long run. When the person one loves decides to terminate the relationship, one is left with a feeling of betrayal because all that sacrifice was for nothing. It’s not only the person leaving, but with them they carry all of one’s hope and dreams, precious time that never be turned. Any person going through that wouldn’t feel happy because they put so much into the relationship and got so little out of it. Emotionally, it can make a person feel hollow inside and hinder a person from finding happiness for a while. Tal Ben-Shahar says that “sacrifice is a person who renounces something that is essential to their happiness”.  Giving up something that makes one happy for the sake of another’s happiness will decrease one’s happiness in the long run. 

A little bit of sacrifice isn’t bad, like one giving away their cat for the sake of the others allergy, because one cares about the well-being of the other without losing as much. The couple should work as a team to have a relationship where meaning and pleasure can be attained by both people. One should never give up their core self for the sake of another’s if they don’t want to lose out on finding happiness. That is similar to trying to change for someone to gain their affection.  People that share a bond of love should accept the other for who they are, and allow the other to be themselves in order to maintain happiness in both people.